sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
