guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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