Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I deserve this hangover.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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