god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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