A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
