We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
