It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
