instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
