And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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