never play flip cup with pint glasses
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
