i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
