Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
