I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
