I didn't shave. On purpose
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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