Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
