My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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