Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's like heaven, but drunker
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize