two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
