woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
