I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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