Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize