Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
