it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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