It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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