When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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