there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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