I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
