i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
