No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
