like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
