I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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