I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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