don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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