I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
