Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
