WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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