The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
