Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
