Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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