I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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