I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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