k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize