somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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