Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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