I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i will never coherently bang her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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