My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I checked into jail on foursquare
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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