why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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