Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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