I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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