She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize