Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
