Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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