So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize