He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
