Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize