Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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