OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
