Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
