Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
