There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
