Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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