If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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