Porn is love you can see.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
