I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
