I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't deserve a penis
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
