I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
