i think my mom watched the whole time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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