You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
