Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
