Pants 0. Shit 1.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
