Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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