I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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