He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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