Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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