Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
