I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
