i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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