you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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