Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
