I'm jealous of your bromance
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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