So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The air was thick with penises
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
