I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
