The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
