I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
