Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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