Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
