I think i peed on brittanys purse
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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