in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
