Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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