You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
