U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
