I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
