ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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