I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
