if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
