You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Even my vagina gasped.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
