Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
