Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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