im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
