found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
