yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
