I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
