What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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