So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize