she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
