i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pants are for mortals
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
