Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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