I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
