my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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