my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
