i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
