He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
