you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
