I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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