my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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