I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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