I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
