Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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